Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Me. At least after what I've been through.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize