Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
a search helicopter?!
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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