I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
