theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
