Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
