Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
