Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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