To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
