Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
it was like eating out sand paper
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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