Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
