what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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