So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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