he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
