I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
