he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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