I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
