is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
