My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
