Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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