I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You did what with his pubic hair?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
