Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
