So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
