I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Actions speak louder than pants.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
