My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
