I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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