Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
