Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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