I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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