I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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