I wanna bring you to show and tell
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
