lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
