Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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