My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
