: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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