I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
