It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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