So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
