apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
