my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
