I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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