His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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