Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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