I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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