singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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