Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I understand Curling. That high.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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