he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
