dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
