Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
