apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
