Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
