HIV tests are more positive than that guy
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
