i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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